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Thursday, May 6th, 2010

Subject:Dieting works
Time:3:16 pm.
As usual the most challenging part of doing something, is not the act of doing it, but all the routine and unplanned things that you deal with all the rest of the day. It's not hard to eat a salad and do a 30 minute work out. It's hard to have a spat with your husband, cry for an hour, and then not eat all the power bars you bought for the week.
I'm not intending to sound like a infomercial, but if you're too fat for your own liking purchase this:
It's about the price of one month of gym. It's tough to get yourself to do it at home. I'm a gym fanatic... I can't work out unless I think someone will see me slack off and laugh at me. So I need the unsympathetic eyes.
It's hard. you'll be happy no one can see you.

other than that.... I feel like I have come a long way since the last time I wrote. I'm coming up with the words better. I'm seeing the gaps in things I wasn't seeing before.
Today is Thursday, and I have wasted another week, and have yet to accomplish a single thing I have set out to do, even though all things on my to do list are checked off, nothing really is where it's supposed to be.

Oh, and if you smoke... you wont be able to after the first day... you're vomit a lung if you do.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

Subject:molly is tired
Time:4:09 pm.
UGH,! &!!!!!!! ack. Whoa........ mmm. humph.

Rex and I keep having the same argument, the same one like a bad television program that has been set on only reruns for the passed 6 months, and my resilience to the it's intolerable(-ness) is waning.
There isn't anything to say about it, it's so dumb to me.
You see- When he's ignoring me, in fact, I am ignoring him. How is this possible? Well, when I ask him how he is, what he's reading, or what his plans are for tomorrow, and he gives me a one word answer- I am Ignoring HIM.
He can have our arguments entirely witho
ut my participation.
And he feels really bad for jumping to conclusions, and not really listening to what I was saying, and blah blah blah blah I heard this last time, I can write your lines on a cue card for you. Why can't we just fastforward to the part where we go out and have breakfast already because I'm hungry.
I hear the word "defense mechanism" every time this happens. Which bores me to death. Defense mechanisms are for people who've been hurt... not for people who have done the fucking hurting (unless, for the sake of even further entertainment value and character development, you have the ultimate defense mechanism and you hurt people first before they get a chance to even muster a small betrayal). I can't tell you how many times I've been called a bitch, a slut, and then been apologized to for it after the fact.
Anyway- I was at the bottom of the bottomless pit of ill emotions and didn't know who to talk to considering none of my friends like him anymore.
And every time we have this POINTLESS brain fucking, mind wrecking, one sided spat, we waste an entire night not sleeping, and then an entire day grieving and making up.

This is difficult for me because I normally ditch the irrational, and unreasonable, and let them untangle their own messes. Every friend, boyrfriend that was incapable of reasoning, got left. I don't have the desire, like he does, to overcome people, and things to achieve my own goals. I find a way around obsticles, not through them. He keeps trying to run through me and I keep trying to run around him. He wants what he wants when he wants it without consideration for when I "just want a second to myself so I can calm down and come talk to" him. He wants to talk NOW.
I'v learned his idiosyncrasies. I know what makes him mad. I follow everything to a M-Fucking T. I dress the way he likes, I sit the way he likes, I only talk to people who he likes, I don't question him, and there are still things that piss him off. I make an effort to impassively accept all the things that he has strong opinions of, hypocritical tendencies towards, and arrogance about.
Ugh. Thanks for reading. I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed someone's advice.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, February 9th, 2007

Time:1:35 am.
There is nothing more comforting than realizing you've always been completely alone.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, December 24th, 2006

Subject:Christmas Eve.
Time:7:44 pm.
My father is watching sports.
My sister is talking on the phone.
As usual... I am obsessing.

Tomorrow is Christmas.
We are going to have hot chocolate, and cinnimon rolls. My sister will love her presents. I will open mine, and they will be perfectly from the heart. My father will tell stories. My mother will serve us warm food. My cousins will stop by to say hello. The man I love will come, and he'll bring something I never would have liked to get, but I'll say thank you and love it just the same. My friends will call me to wish me the best christmas.

We'll laugh. All of us will laugh.
The cats and the dogs and the mice will make friends.

Holidays remind me that only the very simple things in life matter.

Things I don't have.
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Sunday, December 17th, 2006

Time:2:53 am.
a few inches from my face(some centimeters, if so prefered) there is a shit stain on the same sheets that I sleep on, from the same cats that I own(OWN).
but despite that... aol has installed some more software into my computer.
I do not use aol anymore.
I am high.
My strong sense of justic is fraying.
I have a cavity and probably an std.
I got both from things I love...

how bout that?
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, November 26th, 2006

Subject:Death toll in Iran Higher than expected for the month
Time:6:35 pm.
Good journalism is really on the decline.
They just don't appreciate that the death toll for last month was exactly as expected.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, July 12th, 2006

Time:7:16 pm.
I'm trying to stray away from thinking of people as formulas.
relationships are not equations.
(I am not a number)
Consider the individuals, fuzzy logic. Drawing parallels between people might be ok... in the future when the link between genetics and what is phenotically deducable.
Somehow occured me too late. After I tired.
Just like this young boy, with a childhood that was quite sad therefore only kindness can come from him. He doesn't understand people's intentions. It confusses him. He can't understand indifference. Only goodness and badness.
I think he should be treated with kindness, much like all other people should. I just don't think it's my job to be the one.
Most of the time I'm discredited because when people start listing facts, knowledge that might be neccessary to my points, I start hearing lalalalalalalalalalala. I don't know the statistics. My fuzzy logic deals with human potential.
The issue is I keep thinking life is something that's not happening right now. I keep chasing it.
it's time to wake up.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, June 28th, 2006

Time:2:25 am.
I know that maternal instinct does not exist. There are cultures where mothers would rather their children did not reach the age of 2 because the birth rates are so high and the means of survival are diametrically opposed(usage?).
So here is my claim. When you find something “cute”, you are expressing dominance. I’ve never been fond of babies. I do not find them cute, but if I did, the need to tend or nurture is not derived of maternal instinct but of possession. I want this to be my way. I own you; you will be crafted as I say. My animals, pardon this paradoxical statement, are free to be mine. When I declare their cuteness I mean I am their owner; so they eat when I say; shit where I say; purr when I make them.
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Thursday, June 22nd, 2006

Time:11:43 am.
You gotta be mad real, yo.
I'm lost now, not because I want nothing. Yes, Inna. I want something. I know I'm meant for something. The reason behind the mental and emotional strain is because I'm driven, hard driven, I cannot locate the focal point of my path. It's still far away right now, and what's detering me is that I'm near sighted. The path is infront of me, but because I can't see the end I panic.

his hands are shaking, and he pulling butts out of the sand. Finger nails are black beneath black. His clothes smell like old, and he's begging. Not me. He just pleading. The expression on his face is pleading. Two or three half smoked ones he adds to a box he found somewhere. I give me two whole ones.
"thank you! oh, god, I'm sorry. I'm real sorry."
He could have gotten down on his knees, my memory recorded it that way. Maybe he didn't. But in this moment I felt myself not as a person. He didn't thank me, he thanked something outside of me. I felt myself as a servant of god.

Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, June 15th, 2006

Subject:plucked from
Time:3:00 pm.
complication and similipcity is the same in that it is just a means to create more noise in this thing we call life. i want to leave outside all bullshit because it too much to be sorry.
Lets look at this all ways possible. Start with mine. Then his, only in effect showing the reader the writter is capable of steping outside herself.
When I care about someone, I prioritze differently. My emotional state does not superimpose itself to the point where I mistreat those around. I do not unleash my anger on people. My problems are not your problems. I've been told that I'm stiffling his creativity. He blames me for his inactivity. His lack of creation. I'm supressing him. Yes, quite painful. I could not bring myself to raise my voice at person I love. I do not press down the reciver from a phone conversation with another lover, and out of anger for whatever was spoken, unleash myself here at home.
Yet still, spending every moment in cramped appartment, always being watched, always being begged for attention.
I count the times he looks up at me from his movies. From his dinner plate. I count the words.
He counts the times I count something he does.
It's clogging, stoppping. You're brain, even if you force it, refuses to work. There is one thing you can place as being the origin of the annoyance. You have to scratch.
This tension is making me squirm. I live for love, inbetween love I don't live. It is the greatest offense to be told that you stiffle someone's inspirtation.
He's been stuck for so long. something, anything has to change.
I left to save us.
He didn't stop me... to save himself.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

LiveJournal for Moll.

View:User Info.
View:Website (Phytoplankton synnsteria).
You're looking at the latest 10 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries.