Moll (mollith) wrote,
Moll
mollith

molly is tired

UGH,! &!!!!!!! ack. Whoa........ mmm. humph.

Rex and I keep having the same argument, the same one like a bad television program that has been set on only reruns for the passed 6 months, and my resilience to the it's intolerable(-ness) is waning.
There isn't anything to say about it, it's so dumb to me.
You see- When he's ignoring me, in fact, I am ignoring him. How is this possible? Well, when I ask him how he is, what he's reading, or what his plans are for tomorrow, and he gives me a one word answer- I am Ignoring HIM.
He can have our arguments entirely witho
ut my participation.
And he feels really bad for jumping to conclusions, and not really listening to what I was saying, and blah blah blah blah I heard this last time, I can write your lines on a cue card for you. Why can't we just fastforward to the part where we go out and have breakfast already because I'm hungry.
I hear the word "defense mechanism" every time this happens. Which bores me to death. Defense mechanisms are for people who've been hurt... not for people who have done the fucking hurting (unless, for the sake of even further entertainment value and character development, you have the ultimate defense mechanism and you hurt people first before they get a chance to even muster a small betrayal). I can't tell you how many times I've been called a bitch, a slut, and then been apologized to for it after the fact.
Anyway- I was at the bottom of the bottomless pit of ill emotions and didn't know who to talk to considering none of my friends like him anymore.
And every time we have this POINTLESS brain fucking, mind wrecking, one sided spat, we waste an entire night not sleeping, and then an entire day grieving and making up.

This is difficult for me because I normally ditch the irrational, and unreasonable, and let them untangle their own messes. Every friend, boyrfriend that was incapable of reasoning, got left. I don't have the desire, like he does, to overcome people, and things to achieve my own goals. I find a way around obsticles, not through them. He keeps trying to run through me and I keep trying to run around him. He wants what he wants when he wants it without consideration for when I "just want a second to myself so I can calm down and come talk to" him. He wants to talk NOW.
I'v learned his idiosyncrasies. I know what makes him mad. I follow everything to a M-Fucking T. I dress the way he likes, I sit the way he likes, I only talk to people who he likes, I don't question him, and there are still things that piss him off. I make an effort to impassively accept all the things that he has strong opinions of, hypocritical tendencies towards, and arrogance about.
Ugh. Thanks for reading. I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed someone's advice.
BIG SIGH.
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